Vulnerability Exposed

How do we really use smart phones?  Is it because we need to make a call, fake making a call, look up some fact, or just waste time playing Angy Birds?  While we don't ALL need smart phones and most of the users of smart phones don't use the apps available; it won't be long before your choices will be narrowed down to a smart phone or a disposable from Walmart.  The carriers want us all locked into two-year contracts and they want us to have data contracts.  Having a cell phone JUST to make phone calls won't be possible soon, just like it is almost impossible to find a cell phone without a camera.

I was reminded, again, of my vulnerability and volatility when I had to call an ambulance today for my office mate.  She was having difficulty breathing and had chest pains.  They took her away to the hospital.  I hope that she is okay and that she was attended to soon enough.

"Our parents got divorced when we were kids and it was kind of cool. We got to go to divorce court with them. It was like a game show. My mom won the house and car. We're all excited. My dad got some luggage."  - Tom Arnold

Larry the Cable Guy's Solutions:
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in Our Country lately:
Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida ...

Not me -- I concentrate on solutions for the problems -- it's a win-win situation.

* Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
* Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees.
* Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?

Think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

COWS: Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION: They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS: The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer), told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs, and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The little boy admitted that she did.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you." 

A man is driving by a mental hospital when he gets a flat tire. He pulls over to the side of the road and begins to change it. While he's doing this one of the patients wanders over to watch. The man puts all 5 lugnuts into the hubcap as he's been taught so he doesn't lose them. When he gets the spare tire on, he goes to get the lugnuts, accidentally steps on the hubcap and all the nuts go flying and he can only find 1 of them. He doesn't know what to do. The patient says "take 1 lugnut from each of the other tires and put them on this one - that way you have 4 out of 5 on every tire and can make it to an auto parts store to buy some new ones. The man says "that's a great idea!!! How'd you think of it"??? 

The patient says "I'm in here cuz I'm crazy - not stupid"

Why do men die first?

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If SHE asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and sexy underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

Why do men die first?

Because they want to!  

Down With Lobbyists

So I finally capitulated this weekend and agreed that I cannot continue to wear many of my clothes as I become a shadow of my former self.  I've almost lost twenty pounds, but more importantly, I've lost four inches off my waist and/or pants size.  I'm not going to ruin my leather belts with homemade holes that are beyond where they are supposed to be. My pants hang on my hips, so they don't fall.  I did have a hard time looking at new jeans, and these are "regular fit" instead of "loose fit".  My problem was that the loose fit ones that I have now, are way too baggy.  Changing our diets have not been easy, but I just don't buy the stuff we shouldn't eat.  It is much easier to avoid those items that way.  

Warren Buffet says to tax the rich, but let's be fair about this.  Why not tax people all at the same rate?  A flat tax would solve many issues.  This could be paid (mostly) by your employers and the gubmint would get its money every payday instead of having to wait for tax season.  Everybody would file a short form anyway: did you make more money than your employer paid tax on? Are you self employed?...  Send n% to the gubmint.  AND BECAUSE everyone (and hopefully, according to Mitt Romney, every corporation- which are just people anyway) will pay their own flat percentage- therefore lowering the amount of tax most of the middle and lower class, and raising the amount paid by the affluent.  This is FAIR.  The reason we won't do it is that those affluent and corporations would rather spend the same or more $$$ on lobbyists to keep this from happening.  The EVIL is in the whole idea of allowing LOBBYISTS  These same affluent and corporations BUY their candidates because they wield tremendous power and connections that can and will get politicians elected and reelected.  Why don't we OUTLAW LOBBYISTS ?  That would be a REALLY big step in the direction of cleaning up politics.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..
And those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 liter of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of Shit..

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service

 

Figurin' Out Economics...

Where is the economics in this?  Companies get a special postage deal to send mass-mailed junk mail to people like me.  Because of the discount, the postal service loses money and eventually has to ask for higher first class rates to cover the losses and/or must lay off some postal workers.  I take the junk mail and without even opening it up, place it in my shredder and pay the extra electricity to grind up the mail.  Then I pay for trash collectors to pick up the shreds.  It seems that junk mail is the culprit.  Let's make ONLY directly addressed mail that is sent first class legal.  All the other bulk-rate mail should be illegal.  We waste enough trees to make the mail, and gasoline to deliver it- they should pay the same rate as you or I, or not at all.

The first fly drops... Pawlenty drops out. More to follow...

'Tis a shame that those of us that could afford to take a vacation did not vacate TOTALLY.  Having a "plugged-in Summer" is not my idea of getting away from it all.  We have forgotten what nature has to offer us.  Not to mention what our bodies and mind crave- a break.  The Europeans know about vacations.  Most of them take the month of August off- all at once.  What this does, is to force even those that remain, into a slower pace.  Don't ever visit Europe in August because usually the tourist areas are closed.  We would NEVER think of doing anything so civil in the USA.

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

 

CPA - Cell Phone Anonymous ?

Another story on cell phone addiction and (guess) what it is providing for your carrier.... The claim is that it is bad as caffeine or chocolate to give up.  Used to be that technology was dependent on us.  Now the tables are turned and we are becoming dependent (physiologically) on technology.

What do they know- or don't?  Only 6.2 percent of smart phone users actually scan QR codes. Are they expecting too much from the average user, or are they yielding to the dangers of opening your smart phone to every location that a QR code takes me?

So Rick Perry jumped into the fray (finally).  Watch the other candidates drop like flies after the Iowa straw poll.

Thank you congress: You showed me how to get out of my financial problems. Raise the limit on my credit cards and start spending.

You might be White Trash if...

-Your house moves but your twelve cars don't.

-You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

-You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

-You burn your yard rather than mow it.

-You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

-The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

-You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

-You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

-You come back from the dump with more than you took.

-You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

-Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

-Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

-You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

-You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

-You go to the stock car races and don't need a program 

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'
U..S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
State, City, County & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I am.

BAIL'EM OUT!!! ????
Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.

They failed and it closed.

Now, we are trusting the economy of our country, our banking system, our auto industry and possibly our health plans to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey?!"

"What the Hell are we thinking?"

5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk