En martes, ni te cases ni te embarques...

"On Tuesday, neither get married nor begin a journey."

How to walk your Chihuahua...

 A fashion statement, for sure!

 

They are definitely a bundle!

Downtown San Francisco is a town where 

they give dogs instructions (as if they could read)...

Pfizer Corp. (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will
soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola (Pepsi
Bottling Group NYSE PBG) as a power beverage suitable for use as-is, or as
a mixer, under the name "Mount And Do". Pepsi's proposed ad campaign
suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a
stiff one." 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note -- romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:


Darling,
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,
Hollingsworth

P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing. 

Bovine is Devine...

All is fine with Tori in Westport, although she lost power for a few hours.  She'll be coming home tomorrow...Yay!

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk ? An udder failure !

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside."What`s going on?" she yells out the window."Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.Within five minutes, however, it stops again.The woman sees the same conductor walk again.She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

 

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty time the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are... You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows... both are mad.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows... and the one on the left is kinda cute...

Another Gorgeous Day in Goleta...

Tori is in Westport which is not far from the 6.5 magnitude earthquake by Eureka.  No reported injuries but I still haven't heard from her at 10:00.  Cell phone coverage is already spotty there.  I'm sure she felt it and that she and Aidan are okay...

Gotta go for a hike today with Max and enjoy the sunshine as it supposed to rain on Tuesday....
Saw "Leap Year" last night (Terre's choice).  It was a formula ridden romantic comedy that was predictable.  The acting was pretty good, but was definitely overshadowed by the beautiful photography of Ireland.  I recommend it as a feel-good rental.

How can a bear shit in the woods anymore ??

In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple, the candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.  However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president . The class was taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating,

"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?"  Yep, these are the same 18-year-olds that just elected the new President of the United States.

Retirement?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

Geezerbook:

Just a quiet Saturday.  Put all the holiday stuff back in the attic and put three hours of charge onto the Vette's battery.  It may be a lost cause to get it charged, though.  I think it is beyond help.


Max is getting along fine with the family.  He is about 95% trained.  All we have to do is trim his Napoleon-complex as far as other dogs he meets.

TGIF!

"A New York doctor claims that he has invented a cream that makes
women's orgasms much more intense. Apparently, the cream works
best when applied by Brad Pitt.''
- Conan O'Brien

 Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came
across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It
stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate
down to the fingernails and teeth.

"It looks real enough to talk," says one.

"Lets try," says the other and turning to the statue he asks it
its name.

No answer.

"How old are you?"

No answer.

Finally. one shouts out, "What is the square root of 64?"

Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rises onto its
feet and puts its hand on its chin. Then after about ten seconds,
the statue answers in a roaring voice, "Eight."

"Of course!" says the scientist, "... It only stands to reason."

 

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which
reads:

Cheese Sandwich: = $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: = $2.50
Hand Job: = $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the
bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive
blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives
the hand-jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "indeed I am"

The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!

Enough funnies for one day...I have half the day off from work !!

Kamikaze Iguanas!

This guy gets to the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter says, "Now wait just a moment, before I let you in, I need to ask you, have you ever done anything to put others first, or defended the weak or innocent, things like that?"

The man answers, "why yes, I saw this man with a Corvette by the side of the road, and he was yelling at his wife, and threatening her, so I walked up to him and screamed at him to leave her alone, and if he didn't I'd kick his head like this.... and I kicked a huge place on his driver's door on that Corvette".

Saint Peter answers, "Wow, that's pretty good, when did you do that?"

The man answers, "Oh, about 4 minutes ago".

The former kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to
first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher
insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use `big people' words," she'd always remind them.

She then asked Wendy what she had done over the weekend.

"I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people words."

She then asked Joey what he had done.

"I took a ride on a choo-choo," he said.

"No, you took a ride on a Train. Use big people words."

She then asked Eddie what he had done.

"I read a book," he replied.

"That's wonderful," the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

Eddie thought about it, then puffed out his chest with great
pride and said,

"Winnie The Shit."

I love it when a plan comes together...

An 80-year-old-couple are having problems remembering things, so

they decide to see their doctor to find out if anything is wrong

with them.

They see the doctor and explain the memory problems they've been

having. After a check-up, the doctor tells them that they are

physically fine but might want to start writing things down to

help them remember things. They thank the doctor and leave.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his

chair.

"Where are you going?" asks his wife.

"To the kitchen," he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asks.

"Sure," he says.

She says, "Maybe you should write it down so you'll remember."

"I'll remember," he says

"Well, I'd also like some strawberries on top," she says. "You

had better write that down cause I know you'll forget."

"I can remember that," he says, as he begins to lose his

patience. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream on top," she adds, "I know you'll

forget that, so you'd better write it down."

Hopping mad he says, "I don't need to write that down! I'll

remember just fine." He fumes into the kitchen to get the food.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her

a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment

and says,

"You forgot my toast."

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new red Corvette convertible.

He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man.

"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back".

"Have a good day, Sir," said the trooper.

So a major disaster in Texas turned out not to be so bad.  Mike and I will have it in order by next week...  Bottom line- A much better day !!!

Another day, another $

Hey, today was hectic- always looking for someone that isn't there or playing tag on the phone.

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church.

They see a big sign posted that says,

"Convert to Catholicism and get $100"

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says,

"Murray, what's going on?"

"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."

Abe says, "What are you, crazy?"

Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."

With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church. Twenty minutes later he walks out with his head bowed.

"So," asks Abe, "did you get your hundred dollars?"

Murray looks up at him and says,  "Is that all you people think of?" 

Saw the new Nexus One phone from Google today online.  I'd sure like to see it in person.  I think that might be the one...

Back to work today...

It was hard to get up at 6 a.m. this morning.  I drug myself to the coffee pot.

It probably panned out just as I expected.  Most people were out on PTO, so I became the solution focus to all their problems.  Thankfully, some people that I need to accomplish the tasks will be back tomorrow.

So here I am at the end of my holiday/vacation...

There were a few things that I wanted to do that I didn't.  There were a few things that I did that I didn't plan on.  I'd say I'm even.  The time off from work went by way too fast, but I'm refreshed and ready to return (at least I can say that today).

I thought a lot about New Year's Resolutions, but realized that they would probably get broken anyway.  I think my own resolve to be happy has outweighed giving up things I like because they are not necessarily good for me.  Starting tomorrow we will be going on a low (to no) carb diet.  We'll see how it works and how long it lasts.

Today we put the rest of the holiday stuff in boxes to be taken (once again) up to the attic for next year.  Without little kids at home, the celebration doesn't seem the same or even necessary for the season.  It is great to get everyone together, but I didn't miss putting decorations outside this year, nor taking them down.  The indoors decorations were much abbreviated and it was appreciated.

It was about 79 degrees here today and felt even hotter.  We went down to Shoreline Park and took Max for a walk.  He definitely needs some training efforts to be around other dogs.  The only one (and there were lots of them out today) that he didn't growl at and attempt to posture himself alpha-style was smaller than himself.  He was scolded, which he didn't like.  We bought lunch in the snack-bar and sat at a picnic table and ate in the warm sun while watching the sailboats and the surfers.

Back to the grindstone in the a.m....

Much ado...

Word today from my cousin Michael in Detroit (where the current rampant expertise is in Creative Abandonment) is that all you need is love...

I'm very excited about the prospect of winning the HGTV Project House on the Turqouise Trail in New Mexico.  It is a 3900 square foot house worth $2M and comes with a new car and $500K included.  Since I never win anything (worth anything), I have to savor the dreams of winning, because I don't.  A friend of mine buys his lottery ticket early so that he gets "dream time", because he doesn't win either.

Last night we watched Up and Julia and Julie.  I enjoyed them both.  They were very entertaining and unexpectedly so.

Today we took Max for a hike along the bluffs and to look at the butterflies.  He was really gung-ho, but eventually he got tired and was ready to come home.

 

It was unbelievably beautiful there today.  Since we had a blue moon on the 31st, there have been minus and plus tides.  While we were there the waves were breaking way up on the cliffs.

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, If you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to Raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one." To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Biatch." 

Not sure what this is, but it is a cool pic.

I was recently asked about rushing out to buy a Prius on the 31st because the dealer would be more motivated.  I think the demand for that vehicle is such that it won't matter at all.  And for those of you that are rushing to buy a hybrid, consider this:

Gas is roughly $3.00 a gallon.  If you buy a hybrid that gets 50 MPG for $27K and drive 15000 miles a year:  (15000 / 50) = 300 * $3 = $900. An $18K car that gets 35 MPG, for the same distance on the same gas would be (15000 / 35) = 428 * 3 = $1284.  The difference is $384.  Both card will be worth $12K after five years.  The hybrid will have cost $15000 + (5 * 900) =$19500 while the normal car would have cost $6000 + (5 * $1284) = $12420.  Which is the better deal.  (Also, assume that the hybrid did NOT need battery replacements during the five years).  Okay, it makes you feel better to drive a hybrid (good for the environment....).  Consider that the electricity that you are consuming when you do a plug-in recharge was probably generated by burning coal, as most of it is!  Sooooo, consequently the only reason to buy a Hybrid is to be seen in one by people that REALLY don't understand the issues about them.

Enough pontificating....We went for a glorious ride in the Vette today, but for a weak battery.  I stalled the car and couldn't get it restarted.  The Lone Ranger (Steve) came to our rescue, as he was going by and jump started us.

Happy New Year

Its a beautiful morning (which makes up for my losses at poker last night).  As I promised no more complaining (wanking). I'll just deal with making you laugh....

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, " Kathy.....Kathy.... "

"Is that you, Tom?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's
off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and
then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots
of greens) another romp around the golf  course, then pretty much have sex
the rest of the afternoon.  After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night.. I catch some much needed sleep and
then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Tom you must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona "  

One more day to go....

Well we took the tree down last evening.  I am amazed we put it up fast and took it down fast.  This was a strange Christmas.  IN the past I would have spent a day getting decorations up outside and that long again getting them down.  Since we had the house painted and trees removed, we didn't have time to get them up- which means I lucked out and don't have to take them down either.  New Year's Eve will be fun too.  This time we are only having one couple over and we are playing poker until the wee hours.

Today we took Max with us downtown and he was amazing good.  He also waited for us in the car twice.  What a good dog!

What an experience!

Wow!

Anticipation and Relief

Christmas is a funny holiday.  When kids are small, it is the greatest experience to provide them with much anticipation and happiness.  Later, it becomes more of a chore and a necessary task to get past that point.  It is really unfortunate.

Christmas should be more of the sharing of love and caring than managing to get the last of the year's bargain widgets!

Enough "wisdom" for today's post.  I can say that because I have finally posted my "Wanks" list.  I'll continue to add to it transparently.

Wanks

1. I hate "pushing 1 for English" for two reasons. One, if I don't pick one of the choices, what language are they going to review the menu in (English, right?), and two, the default should be English- if you want something else, then you can pick.

2. Why do cars push me out of the fast lane into the slow lane so they can pass me and then pull in front of me in the slow lane to get off at the next exit ?

3. Christmas shopping is tough this year:
The kids have grown up and I can't fill their stockings with Hot Wheels and chocolate kisses.
You can't put iPhone apps in a stocking.
All of my favorite "peruse" stores are gone. For the most part, if you buy on the web, you have to know what you want first.
Bookstores don't have enough stock anymore to look until you find something good.
Nobody wants DVDs or CDs anymore because they are available online electronically.
I'm tempted to replace the stockings with MyXmasStocking.com

4. My wife keeps telling me that we are not doing "much" for each other this year since we just got the house painted, paid taxes on three properties and had two trees removed.  I really can't read what "much" is, but whatever I interpret that as, I will be wrong!

5. This year my wife wanked on me that she has been putting up the tree for 29 years and wants absolutely nothing to do with it this year.  Ev and I went to Home Depot and picked out a tree, a seven foot Doug Fir.  It was a nice tree.  We had it up and partially decorated when my wife got home.  First, "It isn't a Noble Fir.  How come ?".  I explained that the Doug Fir was only $25 rather than the Noble's $80 price tag, and I though I was doing a good thing AND you didn't want anything to do with it.  Then, "It doesn't have the right garland on it.", but you said that you didn't want anything to do with it.  I put the other garland on it.  Since she says that it looks pretty good, for the price.  Why didn't she give me INSTRUCTIONS ?

6. Frequently people don't want to listen to my perspective and then just as often, they're sorry later.

7. How come some people can afford a gardener or having someone detail their new car in the driveway, but don't think painting their house is a justified expense ?

8. Why do we push to recycle glass and then spend the same amount of energy to sort colors, crush and remake the bottles instead of washing them ?

9. Why have the plastic bag recycle stations disappeared from the markets ?

10. Why does Kodak push the affordability of their new printer ink, but they only make it in containers that fit on their lousy printers ?  [Another recipe for failure.]

11. Why is it that there are a thousand holiday contests, plus Lotto, Mega and scratch-offs and I never win anything ?

New Year's Resolution

NO MORE WANKING IN THIS BLOG!

I promise to put only funny and happy stuff in here starting on 1/1/2010. [That gives me NINE more days to wank!!].

Much awaited

Much awaited pics of Max, the latest addition to our circus. Yesterday was a high-pressure runaround to get more shopping done. Later in the day I made some gingerbread and some cookie dough to be used later. The gingerbread is Emeril's recipe and uses Guinness beer. It was very good, AND I drank the balance of the Guinness that wasn't used.

This morning I am baking cookies before I venture out to shopping land. Ev and Terre are already at work and Tori is still asleep. The house is veritably quiet. This feels like my first day off.

Quiet time

Thought for sure I posted yesterday, but I guess not. Even though Xmas shopping is not done, Tori is home and sleeping with Max. Ev is working at KJEE and Cost+ (keeps him busy). I'm home and keeping pretty busy and Terre is trying to tear herself away from those loans that just have to close before Xmas.

By the way, I haven't mentioned it before (it was a surprise to Tori), but we adopted a Chihuahua (or was it Max that apopted us?), [we had to, since we couldn't have one of our own]. We were looking for a larger dog, but Max is very pleasant, smart and easy to take care of. They told us at the DAWG shelter that he is a "PEE" dog. I asked if that meant that he pees on everything, but the response was that he needs to have one foot on grass to let go. That makes him a very nice addition to the inside of our house.

Also we are not really sure about his name. The shelter doesn't know where "Max" came from. Terre said that maybe we should change it. Maybe something that sounds similar. I suggested "cliMAX" but all I get are smiles about that one. Tori calls him "MAXiepad". I don't think that I like tht one and I know Max doesn't. At any rate, it appears as though he has found his way into our hearts and home.

FYI: The most common theory and most likely is that Chihuahuas are descended from the Techichi, a companion dog favored by the Toltec civilization in Mexico. Historical records indicate that the Techichi hunted in packs. They can only be traced as far back as the ninth century but it is highly likely that this is the Chihuahua's native Mexican ancestor. Evidence of this is that the remains of dogs closely resembling, but slightly larger than the average Chihuahua have been found in such places as the Great Pyramid of Cholula, which dates back to the 2nd century BC and predates the 16th century. There is also evidence to suggest that the Techichi may also predate the Mayans.

The Toltecs were conquered by the Aztecs, who believed that the Techichi held mystical powers. In terms of size, the present day Chihuahua is much smaller than its ancestors, a change thought to be due to the introduction of miniaturized Chinese dogs, such as the Chinese Crested Dog, into South America by the Spanish.

A progenitor of the breed was reputedly found in 1850 in old ruins near Casas Grandes in the Mexican state of Chihuahua from which the breed gets its name. The state borders with Texas, Arizona and New Mexico where Chihuahuas first rose to prominence and were further developed in the United States. Since that time, the Chihuahua has remained consistently popular as a breed, particularly in America when the breed was first recognized by the American Kennel Club in 1904. Genetic tests place the Chihuahua with other modern breeds originating in the 1800s.

The circus continues...

Tori bumped her head yesterday on the bunk bed above hers. She had a headache that wouldn't go away, so I told her to go to the medical facility on campus. They decided that she needed a cat scan. Today she took a taxi to Pasadena and was scanned. The results are in. She is swollen by her bump and needs to take it easy for a bit. NO BLEEDING. Great.

Work was a joke today as I prescribed workarounds to almost everyone that didn't have any money to get me to fix their problems. That seemed to work. The day drug out to a crawl. I didn't think I'd ever get out of that place.

Tomorrow I will go down to get Tori and her stuff to stay home for almost a month. She needs the rest and we need the break from drama...

SNAFUS'R'US

Both trees are now gone from the front of our house. They were lifting the walkways. It is like the front got completely re-landscaped, since now you can see everything so clearly.

Tomorrow is my last working day for the year. I am really ready for a vacation. Thursday I pick up Tori from Oxy for the holidays and I will be glad she is back home for a month.

Goats in Trees!

A frustrating day performing validation testing. Now after dinner, I am trying to satisfy Terre defining our holiday card by putting our picture on a design on Walgreen's website. It is a pain that only occurs at the holidays. It adds to the peeves that occur every year (or more frequently) like forcing one to "press 1 for English" on the phone or other seemingly small things which cause accumulated grief.

Today on the radio, I heard about the most popular calendar being sold for next year. Its title is "Goats in Trees". I Googled that and I was utterly amazed. Check these out:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQev3UoGp2M

Dark and Rainy

Went down to Eagle Rock for a birthday lunch with Tori today. It rained lightly the whole way down, but rained very hard the whole way back. After one headlight burned out and my old wiper blades stopped doing a very good job, we were lucky to make 40-45 MPH all the way back. It was so dark and the windows so smeared that it was very hard to see where we were going. Glad we made it home safely.

Everett worked his first day at Cost Plus. I've yet to hear how it went.

TGIF

The day didn't start too well. First my paper didn't show up. Then Terre got a call about someone making an additional charge on her debit card so it got canceled. I took my newly acquired (yesterday) debit card over tyo the credit union and got a PIN, so that one of us would have one that worked.

We just got back from lunch and the sky opened up. Today is Tori's birthday. I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. She comes home next Thursday for the balance of this year.

This is the kind of day I'm having at work....

Christmas Sprit

Dear friends and family,
With Christmas almost upon us, I'd like to extend my heartfelt appreciation to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.
I no longer check the coin return on public phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a wild boar on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me.
I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
[Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.
Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't copy this text and send an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

MERRY CHRISTMAS





Ok if this doesn't get you in the Christmas "spirit" I don't know what will!!!

Crazy?

Today was an interesting day as well. It brought to mind parts of the song "Crazy":

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Possibly

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

There are a whole long list of people that fit the category that that song describes... I guess much of the frustration comes from having to resurrect some old code that I thought had long died. Maybe I was crazy to perform the resurrection!

Looking Up

We had a nice "end-of-the-year recognition" luncheon today. We couldn't call it "Christmas Luncheon" or "Holiday Luncheon" as the powers that be in the big R thought that we might get sued for discrimination or anti-PC or who knows what. It is tiresome.

One of my biggest pet peeves is that I make a call and the automatic answering computer wants me to hit "1" for English. How about if I only have to hit something if I want non-English? The other one, is when the machine does not give me the option to talk to a human. I usually just hit zero anyway, thinking that they didn't list it. I would probably get someone in India anyway, which certainly is only marginally better.

Monday Blues Again...

I've been thinking about how I can get away from here...




I must have the end-of-the-year 'tude. I guess I really don't care much anymore. Too much to do and no money or time.

Vacation is on the horizon...



.

Not enough days in the weekend anymore...

The days seem to be very interesting lately. Last night we watched "G.I.Joe", and experiment to see how many special effect w/o plot connections could be put into a movie. I guess it was still better than the crap that is available on Cox this time of the year.

Today we worked around the interior of the house decorating for the holidays, and doing some light yard work in preparation for the rain that is expected all week.

Terre took me to DAWG today to look at some of the cast-offs that are available for adoption. [Do you know why we are adopting a dog ? Because we could have out own!] We started with Apollo-- boring and way too much patience to get him back to trusting anybody [scared shitless- we'll almost]. Then there was Taz - cute but a bit too reserved and quiet [no spirit left]. Max, on the other hand was good spirited and ready to go. He just needs a home and a family. We shall see how this all works out. I have to admit that these miniature doggetts are not what I predict are my cup-of-tea, but as far as keeping your lap warm- sa'rite!

I had planned to take the Vette out this weekend, but I just didn't get to it. Rain is on the way and it is way-cold out here now. Once again, I just started it up a bit to keep the battery charged. I hope I get to enjoy it a bit during my vacation.

This Tuesday is End-Of-The-Year Recognition luncheon day at work [they can't call it Christmas or even "holiday" any more. I bought my toy to bring in for Toys-For Tots (sic) today as well.

Tree Hunt

Last night's Christmas parade was okay, I guess. It really is a family thing, especially for little kids. I did get reminded, though, about my instant dislike of crouds.

This morning, after other chores (like grocery shopping), I went with Everett to pick up a Christmas tree. Terre said she wants nothing to do with it this year. She says that it is always up to her. What that REALLY means is this year it is my turn, but I'm supposed to do everything like she was in-charge ('cause she still is). At any rate, Ev and I picked a reasonably good looking tree (a Douglas fir) for a great price. When we got home, we got wanked on for not getting a Noble fir. Oh well, it WAS up to us.

The tree is up and it looks pretty good (if I do say so myself).

TGIF

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE. 2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK. 3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER. 4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON. 5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH. 6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE ~ WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE. 7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

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With that said, this week has been a stressful bear. I'm glad it's almost over.

Ev was on the air as a ghost on KJEE yesterday. Too bad I couldn't hear him.

Tonight is the Christmas Parade down State Street. I guess we are going. I hope to ignite my Christmas spirit somewhat. Tomorrow I go to get the tree. It just doesn't seem like Christmastime.

Can't Get Warm Today

<---- Wish I was here.

The sun was shining, but the wind was icy cold. I nursed a headache most of the day because (I think) I couldn't get warm.

Another day that I lost the Lotto drawing.

Painter is doing a good job on our house trim so far. He painted the garage door today. Since it is a multi-piece door, I didn't know if we'd have problems if it dried while closed. All was okay.

Had a wonderful pizza from Costco tonight. How do they do that for only $9.95 ?

Looking forward to watching Fringe tonight!

Strange Day

Today was a strange and stressful day. First I addressed yesterday's catastophic failure during testing. After discussing the problem, we figured out what was the issue and then rebuilt the test set. Everything appeared fine and then we were given the go ahead to release the new software and deploy. That was a two hour plus mouthful.

While this was going on, I was attempting to upgrade the computer in my office, which took all day. Now I am fighting license issues.

At lunch time I had to go to Costco and get a prescription for Tori, box it up and mail it at the post office and then come home to get my lunch. Whew! I'm tired just describing it.

It's That Time Of Year

Last night, while perusing our checking account online, Terre noticed numerous charges out of town which neither of us made. It caused our account to overdraw. We called the number on the backside of our debit cards and canceled the cards. This morning I am making a police report and then I have to call the card company back with a police report. Then I'll go over to the credit union and file a dispute form to get our money back and a new card ordered. The girl at the credit union said that the skimming might be occurring at the 7-11 on Calle Real. I buy gas there often. but only recently did I buy it once with a debit card rather than credit- and apparently they were after my PIN.

I guess it is that time of year. If you are not threatened by road rage over a parking spot, or get stuck waiting in a long line to pay, or have your credit card scammed... it really isn't Christmas!

Monday Blues...

Today was sort of a bizarre day. First I met our plumber this morning to replace the pressure relief valve on our solar panels. It wasn't leaking to badly, but that could change at any time.

Work was a bit weird, as validation of our latest release is moving very slowly. I haven't got a lot to do, but that will change quickly. I've been looking at phones and cell companies lately. I think we want to change at the beginning of the year. AT&T has been pretty expensive and their customer service is greatly lacking.

I haven't started Christmas shopping yet. The fact that it is here already is surreal. Maybe I'll luck out and prices will drop before I buy.

We had lunch yesterday at King's Fishhouse in Calabasas on the way to drop off Tori at Oxy. It was wonderful as usual. I wish we had one in Santa Barbara.

Return

Today we have to take Tori back to Oxy. She does not want to return. She always wanks about having to do everything herself. She doesn't eat well at school because she has to walk down to the cafeteria. We will miss her.

Last night we rented "Angels and Demons". This show was by far better than the previous attempt at Dan Brown. I liked the book "Da Vinci Code" better, but this movie was definitely better.

Back to work for Terre and I, bright and early tomorrow morning. Oh joy!

Revisiting the Last Trek

Last night we rented Star Trek. It was very good to see it again. Still the questions it rose are the same as before. Who was the guy speking to young Jim while he was riding the Vette ? Did he destroy the Vette because he hates this person ? How is it that you can still get gas for this antique ? Why are Uhura and Spock romantically involved in this movie and not in the earlier (but later in life) shows ? Why wouldn't she tell Jim her first name (Nyota) ? What was the result of Jim's last attempt at the test at Star Fleet Academy ?

Today it was supposed to rain, but all we have is a clear sky and much sunshine. I hope to takethe Vette for a ride. Somehow I will probably be very busy, but I don't know what I will be doing. Perhaps moving the plants around the tree out front [it has to be taken out due to roots lifing the hardscape].